Ah, summer picnics. A time for basking in the sun, swatting away mosquitos and flies, and desperately trying to convince myself that day-old fries and steak are culinary delights. But fear not, fellow picnic participants (or should I say, picnic pretenders?), for I am here to guide you through the chaotic art of throwing a seemingly perfect picnic spread (for the crammers at heart).
1. Location, Location, Location (or in my case, what is the easiest or most convenient?)
Ideal (in my head): A picturesque meadow bathed in golden sunlight, with a gentle breeze whispering sweet nothings through the leaves. Bonus points for a babbling brook and frolicking woodland creatures (hello my Disney princess dreams).
Reality: A patch of uneven floor by our village pool, grass, directly next to screaming kids jumping into the pool and a family whose dog seems particularly interested in your picnic basket. Consider bringing a colorful or picture friendly (IFKYK) tablecloth to camouflage the questionable stains on the ground or table of choice.
2. The Feast (or should I say, “The Frenzy”)
Ideal (hello, Martha Stewart wannabe!): A delectable spread of gourmet finger foods, artisanal cheeses, and a charcuterie board that would make a French vineyard weep with envy. Don’t forget the gluten-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free treats for my inner self who wants to pretend to be healthy, tan, and sexy… like all the LA girls (LOL).
Reality: A hastily prepared shrimp salad sandwich with week old brioche bun – grilled on the skillet with my special garlic butter sauce. Finger licking gooooood I’m telling ya! Without spending any moolah! A hodgepodge of forgotten leftovers from the fridge saved us! Pro Tip: Pack a can opener in case of emergencies (or, you know, if you decide to forego the charcuterie and raid a can of sweet corn instead). Ultra Pro Tip: have your bartender fiancé whip up special summer drinks with non-alcoholic gin alternatives… CHEERS without the GUILT!
3. Libations (or things that make you feel happy and refreshed!)
Ideal: A mobile bar cart stocked to the brim with your favorite drinks – think liquor to sparkling water of ALL kinds – kept chilled for you while you’re baking under 90-degree weather. With a handsome bartender mixing, preparing, and serving your drinks (princess much?).
Reality: A bottle of Pellegrino and two carafes of pre-prepared mixed drinks with non-alcoholic liquor alternatives (because hello aging). However, I do get my very own handsome bartender (hello, CK!) that made me special, yummy summer concoctions to satisfy my… discerning taste buds. 😉
4. Attire: Cute and Comfortable (emphasis on comfortable or cute or comfortable? sigh… the endless battle)
Ideal: A flowy sundress that billows gracefully in the breeze, or a pair of crisp, white linen pants that scream “effortless summer chic.”
Reality: An outfit from yesterday (unironed to boot), liberally doused in sunscreen and tanning cream and possibly adorned with a suspicious mustard stain from yesterday’s Wagyu beef burger. Remember, comfort is key, especially with this ultra summer heat and when you inevitably end up sprawled on the ground desperately trying to stop the dogs from eating the food. Pro Tip: stick to natural fibers that don’t stick to your skin and keep you cool. Ultra Pro Tip: shades and hats are a MUST!
5. Skin 101 (got to take care of our body’s biggest organ and make it glow without the burn)
Ideal: Perpetually and perfectly golden tanned skin that glows in the sun and never burns.
Reality: Pasty white. No matter how many hours were spent under the sun tanning (without risking skin cancer and heat stroke) you are still in fact, pasty white. So you scourge the market with the best sunscreen AND the best tanning aids, and say a prayer for it to work this time around! Please, please, I’m begging you, please! I want a tan while enjoying the perfect summer picnic with my lovies (2 dogs and my man). ❤️
6. The Perfect Picnic Guest
Ideal: Charming and witty conversationalists who arrive bearing delicious homemade treats and a refreshing batch of cocktails.
Reality: Your two dogs who charm everyone with their cute puppy eyes and constant need for pets and treats. INCLUDING a charming and witty conversationalist who did arrive bearing delicious cocktails (ahem, CK, my own personal bartender). See, dreams do come true! 😉
Bonus Ultra Max Pro Tip: Pack a generous amount of bug-repellent spray, an extensive Spotify playlist, and many drinks to stay hydrated!
Now get out there and embrace the delightful disaster that is a summer picnic in Los Angeles!
P.S. Don’t you just love my rainbow picnic basket? Adorbs, right? It’s one of my favorite purchases to date.
P.P.S. If you have some great tanning tips, please hit me up. Help a girl out, would you?
THIS PHOTO CONTAINS PAWSOME CONTENT.
SORRY FOR THE WAIT, BUT WE PROMISE IT’LL BE WORTH IT. SIGN UP SO YOU DON’T MISS IT!
