Vacation season is a beautiful, exciting, and financially irresponsible time of year. One minute you’re casually searching for “budget beach getaway,” then suddenly you’re actively losing money in real time like the stock markets just opened on Wall Street.
From the first “we should book a trip” conversation to the emotional devastation of unpacking afterward, vacations are less of a getaway and more of a full psychological experience. Here are the 10 painfully accurate stages every traveler goes through.
You fall into an endless algorithm of:
“Top 25 hidden gems of ___”
TikToks titled “Don’t make this mistake in ___”
You now have:
19 saved restaurants that required reservations 3 months ago.
6 overpriced hotels that your wallet cannot afford.
Mild anxiety but the excitement is high.
Flights? “Not thaaat bad.”
5-star Hotel? “Once in a lifetime experience.”
The best, Michelin rated restaurants? “3 times a day.”
New outfits purchased specifically for this trip? “I cannot be seen in my United States clothes.”
Total cost: absolutely not being calculated correctly.
You pack:
3 pairs of underwear per day because the chances of pooping your pants every day is low but never zero…
Clothes that you don’t even feel comfortable in but “would look so cute in pictures”.
Shoes that don’t make sense with your bunions and 25,000 steps a day.
The tradeoff is that you forget:
Something essential like your phone charger or socks, oh well at least your Instagram stories will be incredible.
At the airport, time and money become nothing but a construct:
Is it too early for a drink? No, it’s literally 3pm at your destination.
Why is everything $18? “The bag of Cheez-its, please.”
Why is everyone stopping in the middle of the walkway? Move!
Does nobody work anymore? The audacity (you also at the airport, not working).
You made it. You’re glowing, you’re tired but that will not stop you!
The air smells different, the Uber ride feels cinematic, you feel like the main character in White Lotus.
You text “we made it!” like you crossed the Atlantic Ocean in 1492 on a boat called the Nina.
This is just the beginning.
What’s on the itinerary?!
It’s exhilarating, euphoric even.
Everything is so beautiful!
The food tastes better than at home.
You wake up early to enjoy coffee at the café on the corner.
You stay up way past your bedtime.
You’re suddenly a night owl and a party animal.
You consider moving here.
Checks bank account.
Maybe you shouldn’t have bought the Dior bag just because of the VAT.
You could barely afford a pretzel at the mall the other day.
Your Plantar Fasciitis is flaring up.
You miss your bed and shower water pressure.
Dorothy was right.
There is no place like home.
On the last day:
You could extend your trip… right?
You just got here, there’s still so much to see!
Work? Already?
You just got used to being temporarily unemployed.
You are:
Slightly sunburnt.
Carrying too many things.
Irritated by the TSA line and Customs Agents.
Sitting for 6+ hours? You couldn’t think of anything worse.
You return to:
30,000 terrible pictures.
Emails.
Laundry.
Your normal routine.
Eventually, the tan fades, your bank account starts recovering, and you stop posting the “take me back” pictures on Instagram. Life slowly returns to normal: emails are piled up, your suitcase sits unpacked in the corner for an unreasonable amount of time, and you start pretending you’re okay with being back in your mundane daily routine. Until next spring, when you once again hear the voices in your head saying “treat yourself,” all while entering your credit card information for a summer Japan trip you absolutely should not be booking.
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